Let me just open this up by explaining how I found my way here…

Six months ago I was in the beginning stages of what would soon be the most crippling depression I have ever experienced myself... To be honest when I began to come to terms with it, I realized how quickly it found me and left me with no words to describe how I felt, and no one around to care. At the end of my senior year I watched people who I never expected to be absent from my life disappear completely- My best friend and I started drifting apart faster than I was prepared for, Someone I had strong feelings for was more out of reach than ever, and I was all set to go to a school that I wasn’t crazy about to study a subject I hated. At first the loneliness was so overwhelming that I reacted by totally introverting myself- reading, exercising, and writing day after day, all alone. Productive, yes, but extremely lonely. I felt like I had dug myself a deep hole in loose soil that was sure to collapse over my head if I dared to climb out.

Anyway, In the midst of this unshakable sense of solitude, I happened to go on vacation to Israel and Nice, France and it completely opened my eyes to what I desperately needed. I had this moment of clarity where I realized how screwed up it was that I had been pre-programmed to believe a four year education was the only option for me after high school. It wasn’t until I slept every night in a dorm room and lived the traditional college experience that I really understood that it wasn’t the type of life I want to be living right now, which is a huge shock to most people in the area I live in. Telling friends, family members, and total strangers about my recent decision to drop out of college and live in France for “the year, at least” usually results in being bombarded with questions like, “what about school?” “what are you going to do?” it’s as though they think everyone in the world wants to spend their free nights deciding whether they should drink until they black out, eat themselves into a coma, or studying in a library for fun. I want to be put in a completely unfamiliar situation and surround myself with people that speak at least 3 different languages, be able to walk a step away from the building I sleep in and always have a guarantee of seeing something I didn’t see yesterday. I’m young for fuck’s sake! It’s the perfect stage of life to do things sporadically; I have been alive 18 years and have yet to do something notably unexpected and out of the ordinary. Now is the time for spontaneity, and now is the time to chase the type of life I’ve always wanted to have. I have several regrets, but skipping out on college to follow a dream is not something I will add to that list. I feel like, for the first time in months, I am leading myself in the right direction and getting closer to the type of person I’ve always wanted to be.